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david m. bailey: Music & Lyrics

DAY 8 Letter

(david m. bailey)
Hello dear friends. Hard to believe it’s been a week since first waking up in ICU with my new scar; and what a week it has been. This is the first day I’ve started to feel human. First of all, I forgot how much brain surgery really bites. Nothing fun about it at all. The painfully slow recovery process and the news of the diagnosis brought new ever darker fears that pulled me into depths I’d never contemplated. Couple this with emotions that would explode so suddenly in response to anything from a memory to a dream to a simple act of kindness and it has been exhausting. I am so sorry I have not been able to respond to each of your kind messages of support – I do want you to know I have read every one of them and together you have truly sustained me. A few thoughts:
1 - I did the ‘it’s not fair!’ thing but that got old really fast and ended quickly. Of course it’s not fair. It’s also not fair that I already survived over 12 years when so many others have not. And so on.
2 – I did the “I can’t do this again!’ thing but that mindset also had to end with a resolute conclusion that it’s not a matter of can or can’t. And way before you can even begin to think about mind over matter, you first have to tackle spirit over mind.
3 - When this first happened in 1996 I was unprepared for the multiple levels of healing needed or the bucket of new tools needed for the new journey. This time I’m a wee bit wiser – and for sure, with that wisdom comes some anticipatory dread but also, eventually, slowly, so very slowly, tiny glimmers of hope make their way through the dark. So many of you have been those glimmers to me, reminding me often in my own words things I know are true but still need to rediscover in a new way.
4 – part of my dismay has been a humbling sense of awareness that so many have found a measure of hope in my last dozen years that to some degree I’d become a symbol of what is possible – a humbling role, but also a sometimes heavy mantel. Well, here’s the scoop. To myself, my family, friends, and fans I make this pledge: I will do as I have passionately pleaded with you to do in thousands of performances:
**I will not ask ‘why me?’ I will only ask ‘what now?’
**I will practice loving the time. All the time
**I will insist that the message of hope still never grows old.
**I will endeavor to share that hope; even when I don’t feel it
** I will remain aware that there are always others walking a harder road than I
** I will cling to the simple truth that “Life Goes On’
** I will whisper with conviction the angels’ call to ‘Do Not Be Afraid”
** with the love you have already so freely shared, I will know that I am not alone
** I will keep on walking as long as I am able and God willing, should the sun come up I will shout hallelujah for one. more. day. Then make coffee.
I don’t know what is waiting but I’m on my way to meeting it. Thank you for joining me on the journey.
All my love. david